Abject Stimulation
by Lifebender
Summary: Starts the same except Edward reacts more realistically to Bella. He can't resist his singer. Obviously she lives, or I wouldnt have a plot. Bella changes and we all know who is a pro at handling newborn vamps. Bella/Jasper Edward/Alice
1. Chap1 Mind Games

A/N – This is how Edward should have reacted to Bella. It changes everything.

Disclaimer – I don't own any Twilight related thing.

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><p>Chap. 1 Mind Games<p>

Edward POV

It was a slightly more interesting day- I could tell by the student's more pent up thoughts that were circulating. The daughter of Chief Swan had arrived in Forks yesterday and was apparently in attendance at school. She was in my class- that is the junior class, and I briefly wondered if I would finally get a lab partner in Biology.

I didn't come across her until lunch. When she entered the cafeteria many people turned their heads to stare at the newcomer. We didn't. I sifted through the thoughts of those around me and was initially appalled at some of the thoughts from the male populace. I quickly stopped honing in on the guys minds and I felt a spark of jealousy from Rosalie-that is I saw her jealousy through Jasper- and it distracted me.

"She's quite the attraction, isn't she?" she muttered barely moving her lips.

Emmett was on top of it. "Nothing compared to you babe." He quickly defused the situation. I heard Rosalie's lust coming from Jasper then and quickly decided to exit the mind of my siblings. I shot a look of sympathy to poor Jasper who always had a hard time trying to not feel certain emotions coming from us. Surprisingly, he was gazing at Alice intently. Apparently Rosalie's lust was contagious.

Alice smiled, and I couldn't stop myself from catching her vision when her eyes misted over. I yanked my powers away as quickly as I could, but I still caught some images I did _not_ care to see. I let out a small curse and physically turned my head- as if that would help.

'_Sorry' _Alice thought. As much as I was trying to keep out of their minds I always heard them when they directed a comment at me.

"It's fine"I sighed. It was nothing I hadn't seen before. I mentally cursed my gift for the billionth time. I threw it away to my usual spot. Angela Weber's mind. She was a safe haven from the immaturity of the students and – well… the _maturity_ of my family. Angela would have a heart attack if she knew how much I had learned about her during my tactful retreats into her head.

I barely noticed Alice when she left. I didn't dare try to read her to find out why, but she usually left early so it wasn't abnormal. I occupied myself trying to compose a song that represented Alice. Something light and quick, but mysterious…

Jessica Stanley interrupted my focus by thinking my name. I looked at her, unwillingly catching her thoughts for a bit. She was talking to the new girl Bella Swan, who had inquired about us. I switched to Bella's mind, eager to hear someone new for a change.

Nothing. I looked at her briefly. She was obviously thinking something because she immediately ducked her head when I turned to her. It was just blank though. I stopped looking at her and started mumbling what just happened to Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie.

"Strange, bro" Emmett whispered after I had finished. Rosalie was glaring at a blank spot in the wall wondering why I should _care_ so much about what the girl was thinking.

"I'm not having any problems" Jasper said, and I immediately read him to see what he meant. Jasper could feel Bella. She had mixed emotions, there was pity - pity for us?- and some sort of relief as well. I looked back at her to try delving into her mind again. Nothing. I watched her look away and my curiosity got the better of me, so I returned to Jessica's mind to find out what she had said to spark those feelings in her.

'_Me and Edward… alone_' Jessica was daydreaming. I hastily returned to my safe haven and resolved to just eavesdrop on their verbal conversation.

"…the boy with the reddish brown hair?" Bella was asking about me. I looked back at her fruitlessly picking at her brain for a third time. It was starting to get frustrating. I looked back at Jasper who could feel some bashfulness coming from her now- she was embarrassed because I caught her looking- and a bit of infatuation. The normal reaction when girls looked at us – or at least that's what Jasper was thinking.

I smiled as I heard Jessica talk about how I _'don't date'._ Having to turn down Jessica's advances was annoying at first, but my brothers had made me see the humor in it eventually, even if they were constantly jibing at the fact that I didn't have a mate.

My thoughts returned to the enigma that was Isabella Swan for the remainder of the period. I wondered what Carlisle would think- he would probably come up with some theory. I suddenly hoped she would be in my Biology class. The irony of her being my lab partner and also an experiment would be quite comical.

To my gratification, Bella talked to Angela a few times during lunch period. Mostly introductory pleasantries were exchanged. I learned that she was in Forks to give some space to her mother and her new husband, who lived in Arizona, as well as spend more time with her father. As we left the cafeteria for our next classes I heard they were discussing their schedules and discovered that Bella _was_ in my Biology class. I may have walked a little quicker than necessary to the Biology lab in anticipation and Jasper was a little curious, but decided to mind his own business.

I sat in my seat and grinned. Finally an experiment to conduct in this class that I've never done. I hadn't felt this excited about something in a very long time.

I hid my smile as more people entered the room behind me. There was no need to scare people with my teeth. The thirsty part of me said there was a definite need to scare people, but I had long since been able to control that part of me.

Jinx.

The breath I had just taken felt like I was swallowing molten hot lava instead of air and the only way to cool it was by the immediate ingestion of every last drop of Bella Swan's blood. There were no compromises. I glared at her with wide eyes and an aggressive look on my face. My throat was on fire as I swallowed the excess venom in my mouth, and tensed even more when she blushed, her blood pumping faster.

There was no stopping it. Bella Swan was mine. All of my immediate desire shifted to furious plotting on how to suck her dry with no one looking. It only took three seconds to come up with a plan, and I swiftly pulled myself away from the glorious smell to exit the classroom before the bell rang.

Everything was at a one-track pace now. I could care less about what people thought of my departure, I missed class all the time. As I headed for the front office I noticed I had a tail.

"Alice…" I cursed under my breath but didn't stop. My one-track mind immediately came up with a few more plans and started to decidedly shift between them.

Alice slowed, but kept following; at the very least she would make sure I didn't expose the family.

'_You'll regret it' _she threw at me, sad and angry at the same time.

Like my mind could comprehend regret at a time like this. It took me about ten seconds to get from the biology lab to the front office. I had to go quick or nothing would work. Thankfully Mrs. Cope wasn't there and I sat behind the desk. I knew the administrative password and quickly messed with Bella's schedule so Mr. Banner would observe a mistake. This should get her sent to the office for a double-check. It was all I could hope that she came alone.

'_Think about what you're doing!' _Alice was outside the building waiting for me. I met her instantaneously and stared her down.

"It can't be stopped!" I whispered intensely dark. She looked at me for a second as she considered plans of her own. She had a vision, but she knew how to block me out just as much as I knew how to block her out. We had never had a battle of power this crazy before and sure enough I could only hear the Russian alphabet playing through backwards in her brain as she darted off.

I didn't follow her. Bella would be coming this way. Venom poured through me again as I recalled the delectable smell of her blood. I decided to wait before I actually killed her, to really play it up like the monster I was.

My real reason for doing this was to throw Alice off. She would think she would have more time than she really did. I started fantasizing how I would approach her, how I would _smell _her. I would scare her, and ensnare her. Then I would tear her. I enjoyed my mental fantasies and somewhat cheesy rhyming, but they were really only for Alice. I was only after the _blood_.

I grinned in anticipation for the second time that day.

I watched Bella exit the building across the way. No Alice. I continued my crazed scheming of the delicious girl's death as she crossed the sidewalks.

She tripped on the curb, and her knees hit the concrete hard.

The smell of her blood hit me like it would a shark- only 100 times more intense- and that was it.

I was still in the open, so I think the analytical side of my mind made it _look _like I was helping her up after her fall, but there were no coherent thoughts. If anyone was looking too closely they would have noticed I basically teleported. I scooped her up placing one hand over her mouth to stop the scream, which didn't come immediately, only a confused then terrified look in her eyes.

I suddenly realized how convenient her mental silence was to me. I wouldn't have to hear the pain and suffering. She was like a little gift from the vampire gods just for me.

The muffled screaming and struggling started, but I was already around the corner to a secluded place between buildings.

There was no climactic build like I led Alice to believe. I bit into her neck softly and was surprised at my ability to savor it, instead of gulp it straight down.

Only pleasure. The feeling of complete bliss and euphoria as I killed her. Regret was laughable. Surely this was meant to be. Everything felt right.

Until I was knocked to the ground. I was doing it too softly, I hadn't had a tight enough grip on my prey. Jasper formed an iron cage around me as he looked up to Bella's bloody neck and snarled.

I read his thoughts. His power was making my bloodlust his bloodlust. He lunged at her. I pounced to cut him off. She was _mine. _No sharing.

There were now two vampires gunning for Bella's blood. We fought furiously but something in the back of our heads reminded us we needed to be quiet. A wild wrestling match ensued, each of us wanting to claim the now writhing girl's life.

Alice rocketed around the corner when we were paying attention the least. She stole the prize and made off into the woods toward the house. We both chased once we noticed, but Rosalie and Emmett cut us off in the alley.

This was no time for conversation. I was an animal. I was about to slip past Emmett but wasn't paying attention to Jasper. He tripped me, allowing Emmett to pin me down on the ground. Jasper ran to the woods after Alice, but Rosalie was hot on his heels.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed. It was grating. It was primal. It was demonic.

It was loud.

Emmett more or less shoved my face into the dirt to keep me quiet. He was thinking of the times he couldn't resist certain human's blood. The depression it put him in had lasted months. He had wished the family had been strong enough to pull him away.

"Not when you were doing it you weren't" I snarled into the ground. I was having delusional thoughts of Alice handing Bella to Jasper with a smile on her face.

Now I was the one writhing just like the girl had been. There was no escaping a pin like this from Emmett. My only hope was mind games, and I wasn't thinking clear enough to trick him.

A little time past. My thirst never diminished and I had endless strength. So I continued writhing until I heard the minds of my family return to the school.

Esme was with them... and so was Jasper. They didn't bother hiding their plan from me. They had to return to class or the Cullens would be the prime suspects of Bella's disappearance. Esme was here to hold me while Emmett returned.

I scoffed. There was no way Esme could hold me down. She was the only one that came to me though. The others gave the scene a wide berth.

"Emmett you have to go back to class." It was a tone which could not be argued with. The stern voice of a mother that you didn't dare question.

Emmett's grip slackened. I threw him off me and started again toward the forest, my objective the same. Esme was in front of me and threw something at my face.

It was big plastic bag of blood. Human blood, I realized. There was no resisting. I was thirsty enough as it was. I sucked at the bag hungrily, while Esme took a position around me that was both like a steel prison to trap me and a warm embrace a loving mother gives to her baby as she is feeding him.

The bag satiated me to some degree. It wasn't Bella's blood, but it was still something I hadn't been able to drink a lot of in a long time. I noticed that Esme's position around me made it impossible to escape without severely hurting her. She would have to lose a limb…

If it wasn't this realization or the blood that calmed me from my rage, it was the thoughts and images Esme was filling her mind with. As I drained the last drop dry, she was thinking of the time we had together when it was just Carlisle, her, and I. I was at the piano, Carlisle and she were singing a beautiful duet. She started singing to me softly and I dropped my head.

If I could have cried ever, it would have been just then and there. Her song ended and she started cooing into my ear.

"You need to go back to class, honey" she said in the sweetest voice imaginable. "You need to go back to class."

I nodded, letting her know it was over. She slowly retreated, but kept her loving gaze as she guided me out of the space between buildings.

"You forgot your lab notebook in your locker" she said knowingly handing me something I hadn't noticed she had before.

It was my lab notebook. But this had been in my bag that was still sitting under my desk in the Biology room. I didn't question it. My new objective was to protect my family from exposure. I looked back at Esme's compassionate face. It was worth our life here. And I owed them all to glide back to class and put on the perfect act.

I wished I didn't have to think about the repercussions of my actions the rest of the day. But I was a vampire. We have way to much space in our heads to mull over things again and again all at once.

I thought about how Jasper had acted. He seemed fine if not a little shaken when they had returned. Had he finished her off? No way. Then Bella was probably still at the house enduring inconceivable pain right now. Because of me. Half of me wanted to go end it, and taste that wonderful nectar again, but the image of Esme stopped me. She was probably back with her now.

I had to keep up the façade, so I went through the motions and ended up waiting for my family in the Volvo after school like usual.

Four vampires exited the school and headed toward me. I didn't try to read them but could tell what they were thinking just by their expressions. One was murderous. One was sympathetic. One was confused. And one was disappointed.


	2. Chap2 Fallout

Disclaimer – I don't own any Twilight related thing.

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><p>Chapter 2 - Fallout<p>

Edward POV

My siblings were throwing judgments and questions at me the whole way home. Rosalie's thoughts were by far the most relentlessly irate. She was beyond furious that I had ruined everything we had started here. In her mind, staying now was an impossibility, and she had plans to turn my Ashton Martin into a dumpster when we got home.

I shuddered. Rosalie's furious thoughts were not the most wounding though. It was Alice, who kept thinking of Bella, and how her life would be changed forever because of me that hurt worst of all. She was even putting partial blame to herself for not saving her in time, and that cut me even more.

Emmett understood what I was going through, and kept feeling the need to apologize for some reason. He probably sensed what his wife was thinking.

Jasper was wondering how all this could have happened. The ordeal he had been through was unsettling him, and the swirling emotions in the Volvo weren't helping.

My mind heard everything. My ears heard only silence. Alice reminded me to not get too close to the house, so I stopped at the start of our long driveway and turned to look back at everyone briefly.

"I need to run." I said quickly.

'_Don't come back'_ Rosalie thought with a glare.

'_I'm sorry' _Emmett thought for the fifteenth time.

'_I'll come with you' _Jasper thought. _'I need to get my head straight.'_

'_I'll see you soon' _Alice thought and shifted to the driver's seat as Jasper and I bolted into the woods.

We sprinted through the trees and over the river. Jasper wasn't angry with me. In fact, he would have been relieved to see that someone besides him was having problems with control if he hadn't been involved. I suspect that he curses his gift twice as much as I do. He also really wanted to talk to Alice, I couldn't tell why though.

There was a herd of elk that we came across that we quickly pounced upon. After the bag of blood Esme fed me they seemed far less appetizing, but I forced extra down anyway. The quicker I forgot the taste of human blood the better. Jasper ate even more than I did. It had really been awhile since we last hunted.

We continued to run, circling the house widely. I wanted to leave… maybe a few days in Alaska would do me good. I stopped and turned as Alice came to intercept us.

'_Won't work…' _she thought sadly. _'If any of us disappear, we become suspects. Billy Black will suspect us no matter what we do. Wouldn't want to add physical evidence…'_

So escape was futile. I wondered how I would live for the next three days. Not able to go near the house, but still having to go to school.

"How is… she?" I choked out as Alice emerged into the clearing.

"Scared… mostly" she responded. "No one has tried to talk with her yet—"

"She wouldn't comprehend much anyway" Jasper said with a grimace.

"None of us want to risk being that close to her either…" Alice continued. "We all need to hunt. It was a miracle that I was able to carry her that far without drinking…" she shuddered.

"I just ate" Jasper started. "I can stay while the rest of you hunt."

"What!" I questioned him. The ridiculous jealousy that I had felt when he was fighting me for her sprung up again.

He turned to me and chuckled darkly. "Still thinking I'm going to steal your prey? The only reason I fought you was because of the way you were feeling. Your frenzy for Bella's blood forced me to want it just as bad." He spit out the last part angrily.

But he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Alice. Alice had her face turned away looking guilty.

"You won't have any problems with control this time…" she mumbled.

"Thank you" Jasper responded accusatorily, and darted back toward the house.

Alice sat down and put her face in her hands. She was contemplating her master-plan that she had used to get Bella away from me. Everything made sense from a rational point of view. She looked up at me with a question.

I hung my head. "I was just doing it to throw you off…" I muttered. Her eyes widened and then wore an irksome expression.

"I wish my visions were more accurate" she huffed. "It could have prevented so much." She was doing the whole blaming herself thing again.

"Stop" I said and sat down next to her. "I did everything I could to get to Bella once I smelled her. I am the only guilty one here…" I continued remorsefully. "I guess you can say I told you so."

"I don't want to…" she said aloud and dropped back onto the grass. "I have to figure out what I'm going to tell Jasper…"

"He's angry that you used him" I said simply repeating what I heard in his mind as he stormed off.

She frowned. "I didn't need a mind reader to figure that one out" she replied annoyed.

I stiffened. Carlisle was heading our way. I had no idea what I was going to say to him. The irony in Biology class suddenly didn't seem funny anymore.

'_Esme told me everything… Are you okay?' _He was thinking as he moved into sight.

"No, I just murdered someone and enjoyed every minute of it." I said self-loathingly and turned away from him in shame.

He pulled me into a tight hug. "She's not dead son" he said trying to comfort me.

"She might as well be…" I sighed into his shoulder and hung my head.

He straightened me out. "Don't think like that. Isabella Swan will live to see another day and many more after that. What you did is a part of what we are. It is all we can do now to make the best of the situation at hand." He looked at me sternly and I knew he wasn't just referring to the current state of affairs. "We need to have a family meeting tonight once everyone has hunted. Many decisions must be made, and we need to make them together quickly." He looked at Alice expectantly.

"We can't all hunt here" she said after her eyes had misted over. "We could severely damage the elk and deer population, and there will be a large search party for Isabella tomorrow… people will notice."

"Alright we'll have to split up. Jasper is pretty adamant about staying with Isabella now… I don't know what's gotten into him" Carlisle started. I shot Alice an apologetic look, but Carlisle didn't notice or choose to ignore it. "…So I guess I can take you two, and Esme can take Emmett and Rosalie if that's okay…?"

Alice and I nodded and Carlisle whipped out his cell-phone. Esme answered his call almost immediately.

"We're going to have to travel a bit before we can hunt…" he repeated the plan to Esme. "Family meeting at two in the cottage? Good. See you soon."

I started running again the second he hung up. They followed of course, but they didn't try to catch up or say anything. I pushed myself until I couldn't hear their thoughts anymore and reveled in the feeling of being alone for a change. I didn't really need to hunt, so I figured I would just run until I felt better; Then immediately rethought my plan because that could take the better part of a decade, and I didn't have that long. It was still twilight. Maybe I would just run until Alice found me. That sounded like a much better plan.

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><p>Bella POV<p>

Confusion. Pain. Fear. I didn't have words strong enough to detail my feelings at the moment, so I used the basic ones. I couldn't think long enough to form a complete sentence anyway. Just terrified pleadings in between tortured shrieks.

If I was just going off my feelings I would be convinced I was in hell. But I could still see, and the setting didn't match. It took me a little while to convince myself that I wasn't actually on fire. I had long since cringed off onto the floor from whatever I was initially put on, and I saw what looked like a very comfortable room. The way I felt matched nothing around me. It was very surreal.

The pain continued. I observed the exits to the room, but was in no condition to venture about or, hell, even sit up. I just kept screaming for help. Surely someone could hear me.

My tears eventually dried and I couldn't cry anymore. My throat was hoarse now from screaming. If I was still alive, I wished for death. A part of me was frightened that I was already dead and this pain would never go away. It showed no signs of ceasing as the hours dragged by.

I noticed movement in the corner by the door. I screamed, half in surprise, half in pain, and half in terror.

"Help…" I whimpered. "PLEASE!" I shrieked as another wave of pain coursed through me. A man was walking to me slowly, and something in the back of my mind recognized the face, but I just stared at him imploringly.

His face contorted in pain and suffering as I felt some sort of calm wash over me. It was almost as if he was taking my pain and putting it on himself.

I was wrong. All the pain was still there, and my body contorted awkwardly as I screeched once again.

"Is this hell?" I managed to gasp out my biggest fear. "Am I dead?"

"No" The man responded clearly and shook his head slowly. "You will die soon. The pain will go away." He put his hand on my shoulder.

Instantly I felt relief. Physically, I still felt every sting of pain that racked my body, but it seemed less powerful knowing that it would eventually go away.

The man that had come to my rescue looked as if he was sharing everything that I felt, and his touch was electric – like some sort of power connected us. I didn't want him to let go.

I endured. Every once in a while I would shriek and twist in pain, and the man would just keep his hand on me and tell me that I would die soon. Every time he said those words I felt relief, thinking about the desired end of this nightmare between life and whatever came after it. Anything but pain, I thought. Anything but pain.


	3. Chap3 Neutral Jing

A/N - It kind of gets a little graphic near the end. Just a slight warning (becoming a vampire is not a very fun experience)

Disclaimer – I don't own any Twilight related thing.

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><p>Chapter 3 Neutral Jing<p>

Edward POV

'_Hey…_' Alice had finally caught up to me. I didn't move. '_Nice spot'_ she thought.

I had found a small stream equipped with a few waterfalls and was currently at the bottom, letting the freezing water flow around me. I was trying to relax – to let some kind of calm wash over me, but it wasn't working very well. My thoughts were swirling in my head ten times faster than the water.

Alice started thinking about how we shouldn't be late for the meeting, but didn't force her thoughts on me. She would wait until I surfaced.

I raised my head out of the water slowly. Alice was lying back on a rock staring off into space – and time as well. The moon shone bright above us, but I didn't bother telling Alice I was getting out. It would have only been for courtesy anyway.

I grabbed my clothes and dressed quickly.

"Let's go, I guess" I said emptily. I looked back at Alice. She had that disappointed look on her face again and I paled at the images that I saw running through her mind. She was recalling the visions she had seen when I had tried to trick her. Seeing those horrible imaginations played out visually made me cringe inside. Only a real monster would even consider doing those sorts of things to a human.

Alice noticed I was reading her and quickly thought of something else.

"I guess I am kind of glad all of it turned out to just be a trick" she said with no hint of gladness.

I didn't respond. If I wasn't already extremely disturbed with myself, I was now. I took off toward our forest cottage. The sooner this was over the better.

We all arrived at the cottage around 2:15. Esme was fussing with the decorum – we hadn't used this place in a while. When I walked in the room she turned a compassionate and supportive gaze toward me.

'_How are you doing?_' she thought as she gave me a light hug. I let a sad smile come to my lips that showed none of my internal turmoil. I could hide it from Esme, but not from Jasper.

Jasper looked at me sadly. I couldn't feel him try to calm me or raise my spirits though. His thoughts seemed unhappy and weary. Alice went to him, but he didn't recognize her presence. She sat staring into his eyes apologetically.

Emmett must have found a way to calm Rosalie's animosity toward me and I was surprised to see in her thoughts that she hadn't trashed my car. They were both sitting around the center table looking impassive. I was still shot a glare from her when I sat down, but that wasn't surprising.

Esme sat next to Carlisle and he addressed us.

"I assume everyone is aware of the situation, but just as a reminder" he paused looking at Rosalie. "Edward met a human today that sang to all of his vampiric senses. I doubt any of us – and that includes myself – would be able to resist temptation of that intensity. So now I need to hear everyone's opinion on what we are to do now." He made it clear that he didn't want my actions earlier to be discussed here.

Every set of eyes turned to Alice, even Jasper. It was her area of expertise after all.

She sighed and turned to Carlisle. "In general, I see that if any of us disappear, we get blamed, at least by the Quileute elders. That would make the lives of the people who stay very complicated."

"So we should all stay together" Esme clarified. She had been worried about the family splitting up all day.

"So the real question is… do we all stay, and duke it out with the wolves, or hide and cover up?" Emmett posed the ultimatum clearly showing his opinion for the former through his tone.

Jasper was thinking strategy. "Surely we have more options than that" he said.

A plan was forming in Carlisle's mind. He glanced at Alice.

She scoffed. "That will buy us exactly three days Carlisle. Then I have no idea what will happen, and you know why." Everyone besides me looked at them curiously.

Carlisle stood up. "We have to deal with the immediate issue first – Isabella's disappearance." He started to pace around the small room. "It will be very difficult to hide a transforming human from the Quileutes, if they come sniffing around for her. I propose we tell them it was a rogue vampire that did it, and we saved her from death. It would probably help if we told them we destroyed the vampire as well…" He paused as everyone considered. "Of course, as Alice pointed out, that will only allow us three days before Isabella is fully transformed and gives us away." He finished with a look toward me.

"There's no way she could forget…" I said almost laughing. "My attack will probably be her only vivid human memory" I grimaced.

"So it's either fight, flee, or wait." Emmett extended the ultimatum still hinting his preference for a fight.

"Waiting will probably bring on a fight eventually…" Rosalie said.

"If only we knew what Bella would decide to do if—" Alice started, but Jasper interrupted.

"She is incapable of making decisions right now" he said bluntly.

Carlisle looked between them for a second before saying "I think waiting is our best bet. We can still run—and if it comes to it, fight" he added quickly looking at Emmett. "But we still have a chance however slim to convince Isabella to keep the truth of her transformation a secret."

"I agree" Esme said standing up next to him.

"I don't think we can avoid a fight here." Emmett said banging a fist on the table frustratedly. "We are safer without the threat of the wolves anyway" he reasoned.

Carlisle frowned looking at Rosalie. He would fight if we agreed to it, but still thought escaping would be a much better option.

"I have to agree with Emmett" Rosalie started. "How can we even be sure they will accept our lie? We all know Alice has problems with her visions when it comes to the wolves…"

Now it was Alice's turn to frown. Some doubtful thoughts arose and I started to worry that this might turn out really badly. She looked at Jasper, who hadn't made a decision yet.

"Stop!" I interjected exasperated. "I don't want you all to fight because of what I did. We can still cover this up. Right?" I looked pointedly at Alice who was disagreeing with me.

"I don't think so Edward" her tone was mostly sad, but there was that hint of disappointment in it as well that hurt me. "I believe a fight might be the best option for us. At least then they can't sneak around us and do something when we aren't expecting it…" she finished with an air of uselessness, thinking about her power's faults.

"Then let's just move away from them!" I continued imploringly. "I doubt they will track us, and we've had to start over before…" my eyes lingered on Emmett a little too long and Rosalie let out a hiss.

Emmett looked taken aback at first but then smirked. "Is that your vote then?" he asked. He was doing the math. If I voted on running then the three votes for fighting would most likely make the majority.

"No" I said a little too quickly. "I agree with Carlisle."

Emmett stared at me, '_cheater_' I heard the thought directed at me. Did he have to turn everything into a game? Then he turned his gaze to Jasper. I hadn't seen Jasper's decision through Alice yet, so I was still waiting like everyone else.

Jasper was looking at me with a little bit of annoyance. "What would we do about Isabella if we ran? We can't leave her, and taking her with us is also problematic. She is our responsibility now…" 'your _responsibility really'_ he thought with that tone of weariness I had heard earlier.

"So we fight?" Emmett was getting a little too excited.

The suspense was killing me. Jasper was weighing the pros and cons. The biggest thing he was trying to figure out was whether or not Bella would expose me as her killer.

After much consideration he started. "I say…" he paused for dramatic effect, and then made his decision. "We feed the wolves the lie. If they don't swallow it, then we fight. If they do, we need to turn our focus to Isabella."

"Alright then" Carlisle started before anyone could offer a rebuttal. "I will join the search party for Isabella tomorrow. Surely Chief Swan will recruit someone from the reservation that can relay a message."

I breathed out a sigh of relief, but remembered how much trouble we were still in and got flustered again. School was going to be miserable for the next few days. Everyone's thoughts on Bella's disappearance… If only I could cut—"

'_You. Have. To. Go._' Alice thought with an air of finality, and I conceded.

"Do you think we should move Isabella out here?" Esme asked. "That way Edward can come back to the house…"

"Her scent is everywhere…" muttered Rosalie.

"We can clean." Esme said a little strictly.

No one else was objecting to her idea so Jasper popped up. "I'll get her" he said.

"Wait Jasper…" Alice called after him. "Let Esme get her. We need to talk… alone." She was going to apologize and try to explain herself.

Jasper's face became stony. "Okay" he replied and Alice led him out into the woods.

"We're going to get through this everyone" Carlisle said optimistically, but his eyes were betraying him slightly as his gaze followed Alice and Jasper out the door. I really hoped he was right.

* * *

><p>Bella POV<p>

About an hour after the mysterious man left I started to hallucinate. My brain could no longer accept the insurmountable pain without visual confirmation of physical harm.

I saw flames lick at my skin, melting it to the bone again and again. My muscles were contracting to bursting point and I started to spark, as if I was being constantly electrocuted.

If this wasn't bad enough, my imagination outdid my brain by what I was feeling internally. The sensation was as if some kind parasite was swimming through my veins eating me slowly. It ate at everything: My lungs – I was now suffocating slightly, my bladder – I had soiled myself a few times already, and mostly my throat, which had started to itch uncontrollably.

But it didn't stop there. It ate at my memories too. I could feel them fading and blurring as I recalled random events of my life. My life was fading before my eyes as I died.

This was torture, of the highest degree. And every second of that first day, it got worse.

By the second day it was full out physical and mental pandemonium. Every target the "parasite" had attacked had extinguished the raging fire there, but replaced it with a dry coldness. My skin was still ablaze, but now some of my insides felt completely frozen. I shivered and twitched and shrieked and thrashed.

Flashes of demonic figures blinded my eyes and laughter and hissing rang in my ears. My mind had convinced itself it was in hell, but I hung onto the belief that it would end soon. My will was battling my mind outright, and the hallucinations were attacking my position on the matter with full force.

I suddenly heard something pleasant in my ears. Real, tangible sound that blocked out the evil noises I was hearing. It was music.

The song was loud, fast paced, and distracting. The melodies and rhythms were complex and it was easy to give more of my focus to this ambient noise than my hallucinations.

I felt a wave of calm hit me and I gasped/choked when I saw the same man from yesterday by my side. He hesitantly placed two fingers to my forehead, and the instant they made contact, the fire stopped. I realized I was in a different room than before. I must have been moved sometime during the hellish nightmare. Everything was surreal once more, with the exception of the music this time.

I observed a difference in my rescuer from last time. He was having a much harder time maintaining his touch today. His face was contorting in agony as his head and body twitched. He _was _taking my pain then.

Again I was wrong. Every nerve in my body was still piercing with pain unimaginable. The storm in my mind had quieted drastically though, and I was now able to give some sort of conscious recognition to the man.

"You…. came back" I breathed raspily.

He nodded shakily. I managed to get a grasp on my motor skills enough to reach up and clasp his hand to my forehead with my hand. I wanted to thank him and apologize at the same time.

"Thank… sorry…" I groaned hardly able to keep my hand on my head. I relished the mental release this man's touch gave me somehow. The connection from his hand to my head was powerful and vibrating, almost releasing a slight hum.

"Don't… go…" I whimpered weakly.

"I'm here" he said simply. "This will end swiftly… relax." I felt relief flood my head, and I sighed. Those words helped so much. The song shifted to something whimsical, but still fast and loud.

I survived with the occasional twitch or shiver as more of my body slowly froze. All I could do was wait as death crept toward my center, and I hoped it would hurry up and get it over with.

* * *

><p>AN – p.s. The title means waiting. Whereas positive Jing is attacking, and negative Jing is retreating. ***A fun fact for you grammar nerds. Apparently the words vampiric, frustratedly, and raspily, aren't words, yet I think someone can make a compelling argument to accept them.***


	4. Chap4 White Skies Decay

White Skies Decay

Edward POV

Thursday afternoon found me sitting on my couch contemplating death- or rather, not existing. It had been a dismal day. Both in weather and in the thoughts of Fork's residents.

Carlisle was delivering the message while "looking" for the missing Isabella Swan who happened to be undergoing the worst of all tortures right now in our cottage.

Because of me.

I would never actually kill myself. First off, it would be extremely hard to do. Second, it would hurt my family too much. Not to mention that the minute I made the decision, Alice would be all over me. But I found in my long unchanging years that thinking about what it is like to not exist helped me whenever I was depressed. I know that this is completely ironic, but it didn't really matter. I could never entirely fathom the idea anyway. The only times I really thought I might understand was when I was playing my music- or in certain cases, listening to other's music.

This is what I was doing now…

"_The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had…" _

I wondered what it would be like to dream…

My dreary meditation was broken by Jasper, who politely knocked on the door before entering.

"Hey, I need some music for Isabella…" he said anxiously.

"What kind?" I replied taking of my headphones.

"Something fast and complex… but it shouldn't be sad or angry… maybe something with happy tones?" His thoughts were coming fast and almost scared. He was nervous about something…

I looked at him questioningly as I thumbed over my vast CD collection.

He let out a sigh. "I just… haven't done this in a while... The music should help us both" he said a bit slower. "Yesterday… when I felt her pain… some of my memories came back- of my time with Maria. We created so many newborns…" He trailed off looking out the window in the direction of the cottage. "The second day is the worst."

I paused a bit, looking into his reveries. I cringed at the pain, but then one of my CDs caught my eye. I pulled it out and handed it to Jasper.

"This is a CD Emmett gave me… It was meant to be a joke," I smiled at the memory. "But it's actually really good music."

He looked at the title and gave me a skeptical look. "Happy?" he asked.

"Most of the songs have a whimsical air… I'm assuming the lyrics don't really matter…?" I replied.

"No… not really" he resolved. "Thanks." He turned out of the room, but popped his head back after exiting. "No scream-o?"

I scowled. "Do you really think I would keep any of that in my collection?" I asked slightly annoyed.

A smile played across his lips before he disappeared down the stairs and outside. I returned to my couch and switched the album that was playing on my iPod to the CD I had just given Jasper. Maybe something happy and distracting would help…

Contra was the name of the album, by Vampire Weekend. I chuckled again at Emmett's joke.

Halfway through listening I was starting to feel some relief and it was taking some brain power to analyze the complexity within the simplicity of the melodies, in combination with the chords and rhythms those melodies outlined. Until I was interrupted again by a second knock.

Alice this time. Her thoughts were everywhere. Here and there. Now and then. What and why.

I looked at her confusedly and took off my headphones. "Alice?" I inquired.

She rested her hand on one of my CD organizers and looked up at me. "So… what did Jasper want?" she asked innocently.

I gave her a suspicious look. Like she didn't know.

She sighed frustratedly and spoke what was really on her mind. "C'mon don't act like you don't know, Edward. I know everybody heard most of it, and you could hear all of it!"

I looked away with a sad and guilty expression. She was referring to the fight she had with Jasper last night, of course. They usually made up after their fights. This time they had not.

"It's not fair!" she whined. "I wanted to be sincere, and apologize and tell him it was my entire fault – but it doesn't matter!" she whipped around to face me again. "If he wants you to be angry, you have to be angry! I wouldn't have said half the things I said last night if he wasn't manipulating my emotions." She continued ranting. "…and there is no arguing with him! Jasper always knows exactly what to say to make you doubt yourself."

I just kept nodding. It was true. Jasper was a born speaker. He could twist the logic of an argument so much you could be arguing against yourself and not realize it. Add his power to dictate your emotions and he was invincible in any debate.

"Can you believe he said it would have been better to let you finish what you started…?" Her eyes got wide. "To just let you finish… and clean up afterward like we always do, he said." She was whimpering now. She sat down next to me looking desolate.

I wanted to comfort her. To say something that would cheer her up. But I couldn't think of anything because I was too messed up myself. Instead, I just unplugged my headphones from my iPod and plugged it into my sound system. We listened to the rest of the album without talking.

"That was a very interesting song" Alice remarked after the final song, White Sky, had finished. "Do you think they had planned to add lyrics to the chorus… or just improvised it and liked the way it sounded?

"It definitely works the way it is" I mused, recalling the unusual melodic sequence and the style it was presented with by the singer. "I suppose I should complement Emmett on his ear for good music."

Alice snorted. "I doubt he even listened to it. He probably just saw the title and thought it would be funny."

We both looked into each other's eyes. The happy moment died as we both recalled what was happening around us.

After a long pause, I spoke. "I don't believe Jasper thinks letting me kill Bella would have been better… at least not anymore." I said seriously.

She got very attentive and I realized one of her main reasons for coming here was to ask me what Jasper was thinking. It didn't bother me. A part of me didn't want to get involved in their… problems, but I felt like it was my fault Alice was in this predicament. I owed it to her.

"Jasper is very… stressed right now." I started awkwardly. "Bella is dominating most of his thoughts." She narrowed her eyes. "Because of her pain." I continued quickly. Her eyes softened. "It's taking a lot out of him, to be with her."

"Then why is he really doing it, Edward?" she cut me off. "I'm all for helping Isabella, but surely he has an ulterior motive behind doing this." She finished with her eyes questioning mine.

"I think he is trying to prove himself, Alice."

"What do you mean?"

"It's been hard to get a good read on him recently, but I can tell he really feels like this needs to be done. It's hard to tell his exact motive, but I think it is something personal."

Alice frowned. She was expecting more than that. That's all I could give until things got a little clearer.

She sat and thought for a while about what I said.

Randomly she stuffed her head into a pillow. "I wish it was Saturday… I can't take all this apprehension and anxiety!" Her whine was muffled.

"Ditto" I said morosely, and started shuffling through my songs once again.

* * *

><p>Bella POV<p>

I had no concept of time. Had it been a day? A week? Surely not a week…

My rescuer had left me again. It was so sudden, I didn't notice until it was too late.

I was freezing. No more fire on my skin. I was as white as a ghost. Sharp prickly pins pierced me everywhere, and I shivered, and moaned.

My surroundings were now bleak. It was so cold… and I was alone.

I was in a prison, I realized. I could make out the frosted bars and chains that trapped me. Darkness was closing in slowly at the edges of my vision. It would swallow me. It would savor me gradually, and when it had taken everything from me, bite down hard.

Terror replaced the torture.

There were things in my cell. Immobile and lifeless things. They were slumped in piles in every corner, spilling over.

Dead bodies. All sorts of unmoving animals and decaying skeletons. There was one that looked like a human near the back. I stared at it in horror. It looked like me.

Its eyes shot open.

All of a sudden I was back in a room, one I recognized from earlier. I gasped as I realized I was in a bed this time. Someone was piling blankets on me.

I didn't need to turn to know it was him. I felt that unbelievably calm sensation like I had in the past, and I basked in it.

The blankets were helping the cold slightly, but I couldn't entirely shake my fear from those hallucinations. I didn't want to die like that…

My eyes were still wide and my lip trembling like the rest of my body when his face came into view.

He still looked a little wary and unsure, but he slowly resolved himself and determinately slid under the blankets, facing me.

"No…" I said. "I can… take it." My voice wasn't even a full whisper. It was just a wisp of sound escaping from a shallow, icy breath.

I had realized by now that his touch somehow linked my suffering to him, and while it felt great for me, at least in my mind, it would always torture him too. I had recently decided that it was selfish of me to want that. His presence was enough.

He looked at me slightly confused. He shook his head slightly and somehow, he smiled. A small rush of happiness ran through me, but it was gone before I could figure out where it had come from.

The darkness sucked everything away. It was a void. An eternity of black, and loneliness.

I was in the far reaches of space. I was floating hopelessly toward my doom of nothingness. The gaping black hole trapped even light within its darkness. There was no escaping.

I cringed. I would be trapped forever if it swallowed me.

There was a flash of light. I was crying and shaking.

Someone was holding me. I felt my mind quiet itself, and I gasped repeatedly.

"It will stop. It will go away. There is nothing to fear." He whispered.

His touch coupled with his words hit me like crack once again. I had nothing to say. I buried my head into his chest and stayed there, shivering.


	5. Chap5 The End of a Beginning

Disclaimer – I don't own any Twilight related thing.

* * *

><p>The End of a Beginning<p>

Edward POV

"Understandable." Carlisle was saying. "I suppose I don't need to warn you of the dangers?" There was a small pause. "Of course." Another pause. "We will be there." He hung up the phone with a weary look.

All of my family members stared at him, waiting for the explanation. I just hung my head.

"The wolves are giving us until Monday night at midnight to help Isabella understand what she is, and…" he glanced out the window. "…to feed her. Then they want to talk to her."

"Are you kidding me Carlisle?" Jasper started. "If they so much as growl at her, her instincts will take control, and once that happens, not even my power will be able to stop the frenzy."

"Good." Emmett said seriously. "Let her take them out, then all we have to do is clean up." He finished with a smile.

Jasper looked livid. "That's not funny."

I winced. Of course that would bother Jasper. He had used newborns to fight battles for him for most of his life. He obviously never wanted to do it again.

"We would never do anything like that" Esme reassured us giving Emmett a look. She turned back to Carlisle apprehensively. "I suppose we will just have to deal with that issue when the time comes…"

"Yes" Carlisle started. "We need to give our full attention to the soon to be very confused individual who awakens tomorrow."

All eyes turned to Jasper. He did have the most experience with these things.

"The circumstances surrounding this whole situation are very delicate." Jasper started. "In my experience, newborn vampires can be manipulated very easily by those who give them what they want." He started to pace. "This is usually one or all of... uh – two things." He had thought three, but changed it to two out loud. He glanced at me warily and continued. "Blood, and information."

I couldn't quite catch what the third was because he was blocking me, but he was giving off a slightly embarrassed feeling and that made me wonder. Alice distracted me from my curiosity.

"But surely a few other gifts wouldn't hurt" she said with a sparkle in her eye shifting her gaze from Esme to Rose. Esme's eyes caught some of the sparkle, but Rosalie just shrugged.

"It would most likely be an excessive waste, whatever you have in mind." Jasper commented. "Newborns are essentially primal, due to their instincts." Alice's eyes went dull, but Jasper continued. "But I suppose it could help show her that we are friends." He smiled slightly.

"So what's the best way we should handle her when she awakes?" I voiced the question that was really the most important goal of this meeting, ignoring the whirling thoughts of the female vampires in the room (especially Alice).

"There shouldn't be any 'we' involved." Jasper responded pointedly. "Let me handle things at first, then when she is ready, I can introduce everyone."

There were no voiced objections to this, but certainly some people in the room didn't like this plan. However, we all trusted Jasper to know what he was doing, and no one dared disagree with him.

It was such a simple answer to a question I had been mulling over with myself for two and a half days, I was surprised when Carlisle called the meeting off shortly after. Jasper returned to the cottage to remain with Bella through the night.

I had trouble not showing my anxiety outwardly as the hours passed. Alice tried to recruit me into her plans to shower Isabella with clothes and jewelry… and shoes. So many shoes… The task didn't take much brain power so I had time to check on my family's minds periodically.

It seemed that it wasn't just Alice that was planning on giving gifts, which, when I thought about it a little more, could possibly be considered bribes after all. It would get ugly if Bella ousted me in front of the wolves and turned on us there. But then again, it was probably more likely she would just rip me to shreds when she first sees my face.

Esme was discussing with Carlisle the possibility of offering our cottage for Bella's full-time use, which I thought was actually pretty clever. It would offer her security, privacy, and keep her close without making her think we were trying to push her to join us. Esme was talking of redecorating, and Carlisle mentioned adding a library so he could buy books for her to read. This I also thought was pretty clever. He would fill the library so Bella would be able to read whatever she wanted, but he would also slip in a few of his own books he had written about vampires, and how to overcome our most primal urge. He would always offer these to any passing nomads, but very few ever took interest.

Rosalie and Emmett were having some…eh… private time, but their discussion afterward intrigued me. Rosalie was trying to figure out what kind of car Bella would like the most. Emmett wasn't helping very much, he kept making jokes about her old truck and laughing. We all still remembered the roar of that thing as it entered the school parking lot. I wouldn't be surprised if Carlisle had heard it from the hospital.

All of these thoughts about gifts got me thinking I should give her something too. It shouldn't be anything big or expensive because whatever it was would probably end up smashed or broken in a fit of less than pleasant aggressions toward myself. It didn't take long for me to decide. If music helped during her transformation, it would probably help somewhat in the year to come, _especially _if she tried to resist human blood. I could just buy another ipod and sync it so she could have all of my music in the same location.

As dawn approached, I focused on remembering exactly how I had acted three days ago, when I had stolen away an innocent girl's life for my own pleasure. She would be a newborn vampire in less than six hours. I shuddered. Maybe I should buy two ipods, just in case the first one is used to smash in my skull.

* * *

><p>Bella POV<p>

"Just a bit longer…" He whispered. "It's almost over."

My rescuer didn't leave me again. By now I was an udder mess, inside and out. My heart had been beating frantically for the past hour thudding away like an unmanned train that's engines had blown out.

It was a complete purge. Liquids exited my body in torrents of sweat, and it felt like my bones and muscles were being torn and cracked, then put back together. My brain felt like it was about to explode inside my skull, and my eyes were clouded by blood and pus, which was oozing from my ears and nose.

Every breath now was a battle. My lungs felt shriveled and useless as a great pressure weighed down on my chest. I had torn into the skin at my neck with my nails uncontrollably because the itch had grown to be unbearable. I continued to cough and hurl up bile and blood through the constricting airway.

The sheets around me were now completely saturated with Bella extract. The wonderfully calming man was now kneeling at the bedside holding my hand. I didn't think my heart could be beating so fast. His calm wasn't helping it slow at all, in fact, I felt it accelerating.

'_This is it', _I thought, as spots of light blinded me, and a high pitched ringing grew in my ears. I screamed as my heart felt like it exploded and started to sputter lightly yet still wicked fast. My eyes rolled over and all of a sudden I was gone.

Bright lights surrounded me everywhere. I felt calm and content, and I knew I was dead. It was all over, finally. Now where was I?

I started to get very afraid. My surroundings were brightly lit and joyous, but somewhere I heard crying.

I followed the noise desperate to find someone in this deserted place. I came to a clearing in the light, which was slightly darker. There I found a little girl whose head was hanging and sniffling.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently kneeling down, yet still slightly scared at my own situation. She looked up at me. Her eyes were pure bright white and her tears were like glitter, sparkling down her cheeks.

"Don't be afraid." She said sadly, then continued to sob.

"Hey there," I tried to console her while thinking why she would say something like that. "Everything's alright here" I continued, more to myself then her.

She started shaking her head. "You have to go" she moaned. "You can't stay." She hung her head again looking depressed. "There's nothing we can do…"

"Wha- What?" I stammered. The girl now sprouted massive golden wings.

"I am truly sorry" she said despondently and her wings wrapped around me swiftly and tight.

"Hey!" I yelled and struggled. Everything had gone black now. I felt a falling sensation. Now I was completely terrified and disoriented. It felt like I was drowning in the ocean and I couldn't figure out which way was up.

SLAM. My head hit something hard above me. It looked like glass or ice. I was trapped underneath and I could just make out the sad girl on the other side. She gloomily waved as I sunk deep into darkness…

My eyes opened. My heart stopped. I was lying in a small puddle of nasty smelling liquid. Somehow I was consciously observing my surroundings from the point of view of my dead body.

I felt no pain, nothing at all.

I heard small distant noises.

I smelled a multitude of revolting things coming from myself.

I saw a beautiful man staring at me curiously.


	6. Chap6 Phenomenon

Disclaimer – I don't own any Twilight related thing.

Chap. 6 – Phenomenon

Bella POV

For the longest time I didn't move. The smell was repulsive so I simply fixed it by not breathing. How could a dead body breathe anyway?

I couldn't take my eyes of the man staring at me from the bedside.

He grinned at me after a while. "My mother will want to burn those sheets… and probably the whole bed while she's at it. You may want to get out of the way before that happens."

Seeing the man's teeth and the prospect of being burned triggered something within me. In a haphazard quick flip, I slammed into the wall on the other side of the room cracking the plaster and landing on my stomach.

"Who are you?" I asked in a speedy slur that sounded nothing like my voice. I looked down at myself. Through the rags and filth I saw my body was changed drastically. "What… am I?" I stuttered completely bamboozled.

"My name is Jasper." He said cautiously approaching me. "And you… Isabella Swan, are a vampire." He said this very slowly and even though his words shocked me more than ever, something in me was glad that he had been so blunt about it, and I liked getting my questions answered.

The first thing I thought about after this revelation was blood. But instead of being repulsed by it, I couldn't think of anything other than drinking as much as I could. There was a burn in my throat and I bared my teeth letting out a growl. I put my hand to my throat and looked at Jasper.

"You want blood." He said, still in a blunt tone. It was true.

"I can help you get it." He said slightly smirking. "But do you want to go out like that?" He made a sweeping gesture to indicate the state of my body. With the gesture came a wave of embarrassment and self-consciousness.

Here was this gorgeous man across from me and I smelled horrendous and was covered in refuge. My instincts still told me to go find blood, but my feelings held me back.

"Shower." I muttered and he chuckled.

"Through that door" He said pointing.

I sped from the room and shed the filthy rags. The mirror distracted me momentarily. My eyes were bright red and scary looking. But if the mucky coating of grime and eye color didn't count, I would say I looked almost perfect. My curves were enhanced and my skin was flawless. The only imperfections were two crescent shaped marks on the side of my neck.

I touched the scars and shouted "I still have questions" while I turned the faucet on behind me.

"And I have answers" came a reply that sounded much too close. "And there's no need to shout." I whipped my head around and was relieved to see I was still alone. He must have been talking through the door.

"How did this happen? Why did this happen?" I mumbled frantically scrubbing myself under the water. When he didn't respond immediately I added. "And what actually did happen? I'm so confused…"

"That's not something you need to tell me." He laughed and I felt suddenly quite giddy. I broke into some delirious giggles that didn't want to stop. It had been ages it seemed since I had been able to feel happy at all.

"Let's start with what you remember" he said lightly. "What is the last thing you recall before the pain started?"

The giggles stopped when he mentioned the pain. I thought hard. "I was at school…." I started thinking aloud. "…and …and" I got very still. "Edward Cullen." I said darkly and remembered his face. "He attacked me…"

"Yes, my brother bit you and you started to change." He clarified. I started to get angry but felt a calm wash over me. I hurriedly cleaned the rest of my body.

"Why me" I grunted out furiously. It didn't sound like a question.

There was a longer pause as he considered his response.

"You smell good?" He said jokingly and I felt another surreal happiness this time mixed in with some embarrassment. "At least more so to Edward… he couldn't stop his instincts."

I tried to wrap my head around this. Instincts were something I could understand, because the only thing putting them at bay now was the wretched state of my body… and possibly Jasper.

"All of you are vampires then?" The queue of questions in my head just started flowing. It sounded more like I was speculating to myself.

"Yes"

"And you go to school!" This one sounded indignant.

"We try to live our lives as if we were normal. My father, Carlisle, discovered a way to control ourselves around humans and to exist without drinking human blood."

This shocked me slightly. And the confusion came back. It was a lot of information to take in. Why couldn't things be simple? The last three words he had said stuck with me however, and since I was basically clean, I couldn't stop myself from rushing out of the shower and finding the nearest towel.

The mirror halted my frenzy slightly once again. I looked stunning. My mouth hung open and I just stared. This was me? During my ogling I heard some furious whispers coming from the room beyond. I was instantly curious, and found it was quite easy to eavesdrop on what must be an extremely quiet conversation on the other side of the door.

"What are you doing here, Alice?" Jasper muttered furiously.

"Well she's got to have something to wear? Doesn't she?" A female who must have been Alice replied in an obvious tone.

"Okay just leave it-" He paused. "Is this a joke?" he asked snickering. "How much did this cost?" He was clearly mocking her now. My curiosity and newfound self-image almost had me strutting out of the bathroom naked to see what all the fuss was about. I gave it a bit more thought and realized my hair wasn't right for it. I busied myself with a nearby comb as the conversation continued.

"Why does it matter?" Alice pouted.

"Because in a few hours that dress will be shredded just as easily as the bills that were used to pay for it." Jasper sounded like he was rolling his eyes. My hand reached for the doorknob to find out for sure but another random thought kept me in the bathroom. _Hairdryer_. I hastily searched the counter.

"I used a credit card…" Alice mumbled weakly. Then added, "Left cabinet below the sink, Isabella."

I turned to the door bewildered. "How did you-"

"Would you please just leave, Alice?" Jasper interrupted with a hiss. "You will get to meet her soon."

"Why is this such a big deal?" Alice asked a little heatedly. "Can't I help?"

I found the hairdryer exactly wear Alice said it would be and started drying my hair. I could still pick out Jasper's infuriated whispers with ease.

"Yeah, you can go get more practical clothes." He seethed. Now I started to get a little angry and I wanted to see what they were arguing about. I decidedly kept the towel around my front and cracked open the door.

"What's going on?" I asked irritated.

There was a small girl across the room with dark, short hair who was smiling at me energetically.

"Hi, I'm Alice" she responded excitedly giving a quick wave. Jasper sighed and turned around to face me.

"Isabella, this is Alice" he said wearily. "My wife…" he added after a beat sounding impartial.

So he was taken. I sized up the little vampire on the other side of the room. She had a certain style about her that I thought was unique and extraordinary and of course flawlessly beautiful same as me.

Jasper turned back to Alice gesturing between us. "Alice, this is Isabella."

"Really, it's just Bella." I corrected almost instinctively. "Or at least it was…" I said musing to myself. Maybe the new me needed the 'isa'. I couldn't say I didn't like the way it sounded when Jasper said it. "I guess it doesn't really matter… It's nice to meet you." I finished, looking at Alice.

"Nice to meet you too" Alice responded with a big grin. "You're going to look hot in this" she continued holding up a formal looking dress that looked like something you might wear to prom. "Let us have some privacy so Bella can get dressed Jasper." She added.

"I thought we agreed you were going to let me handle this." He growled in response. "She can dress herself, Alice."

"I saved her." Alice replied seriously. "Let me help."

Jasper looked like he was about to let another angry retort fly, but he calmed himself and the weary look returned. "Fine" he muttered. "But you have to explain all that happened that day _and_ answer all of her questions." Alice was nodding. I felt like they were talking about a three year old.

Jasper flew to the door and turned to look back at me before he left. "I'll meet you outside when you're ready." He smirked at his wife over his shoulder. "and it's not my fault if that dress is reduced to strips of cloth when she gets back." He exited snickering.

I came out of the bathroom after his departure. I didn't care what Alice saw of my body. Most of me wanted to show it off anyway.

She was looking at me a little worriedly now. "I could always get you some looser fitting clothes… if you don't like this" she mumbled.

"No, I love it." I replied picking up the dress. "But the practical purposes…" I couldn't help myself smirk a little.

"Fine, Fine." Alice conceded. "I'll be back in two seconds." She whipped out the door.

"I'm getting her a sweater and jeans! Happy?" I heard from outside the house followed by more Jasper snickering. I giggled.

I still had questions, and now I was alone. I called out to Jasper.

"What did she mean, she saved me?" I shouted knowing he could hear. "I thought you saved me."

"Again, no need to shout." His voice was soothing and sounded too close just like last time. But once again I found I was still alone in the spacious room. More through-the-door-talking I suppose.

"She got you away from Edward." He continued simply. "Carried you all the way back to our house while you were changing."

"Oh…" I breathed. I didn't really want to talk about anything that had to do with my change. At least not for a few days. Alice returned with something I could be much more comfortable in… at least mentally, and I asked her about Edward.

She put a kind of sad look on her face. "He really couldn't control himself you know. I did everything I could do to stop him…" she trailed of dejectedly. "But he can read minds. Even with my ability to see the future, he can still outsmart me."

"Whoa, back up there." I said perplexed. "Reading minds? Seeing the future? Could this shit get any weirder?" Alice frowned and I heard Jasper chuckle. I put my hand to my mouth realizing I had accidentally said that last part out loud.

"That's just us." She clarified. "Jasper can sense and manipulate emotions. They are unique gifts."

For once I wasn't surprised. This explained what had been happening during the pain. I cringed at the memory.

That relaxing wave of calm hit me again, and now that I knew where it was coming from, I breathed out "Thank you…"

Alice was wrinkling her nose and eyeing the bed. "Wanna get out of here? No offense but that really does reek" she said pointing. I nodded and we walked out the door.

Leaving the room got me thinking about the prospect of drinking blood again, and some liquid started pooling in my mouth. I growled lightly as my throat burned.

Jasper insisted on Alice leaving us to hunt alone. Something about me being dangerous. Oh whatever, I'll ask him later.

Before we stepped outside, Jasper could sense my confusion. "Got any more questions?" he asked smiling.

I thought a bit. "Where am I? What day is it?" I threw out from my never ending queue. I cut him off before he answered. "Oh screw it, answers later, blood now." It sounded a bit cavemanish.

"Very well" he replied, and I took my first steps out into sunlight and fresh air. As a vampire.

A/N – I have some fun ideas I'm playing with for where this stories gonna go… The Bella/Edward meeting is gonna be tricky to write, but every time I think about it I get this giddy feeling. Just fyi, there may be some Bella/Edward… relations… but as you will soon see, a relation_ship_ will be next to impossible.


	7. Chap7 Killer Instincts

A/N - Well here it is. I think it was worth the wait… Hopefully best chapter ever! Warning of sexual content. PLEASE DON'T DITCH ME JASPER/BELLA FANS! That is all. Thank you.

Disclaimer – I don't own any Twilight related thing.

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><p>Bella Pov<p>

Alice really didn't want to leave Jasper and I alone. It was irritating because Jasper was putting his foot down, and meanwhile my feelings were stirring.

For one, I felt very selfish. Like there shouldn't be any reason why I shouldn't get the things I wanted. All of this stalling was unnecessary. _Just go kill some humans… drink the blood… _it was getting very hard to deny what felt like the reason I existed.

The product of my selfishness was guilt-free lust. There was no capping my desire with a shield of insecurities. As I thought more about why I was still listening to the bickering's of Alice and Jasper, I realized my lust wasn't just for blood.

I was still here because I wanted Jasper. Really, really bad. It wasn't a feeling of weakness either. I was horny, and now Alice was the wall between both my physical yearnings.

Alice stopped her complaining mid-sentence, and her eyes misted over. She then looked over at me a little disgusted.

"Okay, Jasper." She said concedingly. "I really don't want to see that again, so just bring her back as soon as she's finished." She looked at me warily, but there was no accusation in her eyes. Whatever she had seen had only scared her a little.

"Thank you." Jasper said with an air of relief. "Oh, Alice." He called when she turned to leave. "Make sure no one comes looking for us until we're finished." He said with an implicative tone. Alice just shrugged and lightly jaunted away.

From her mannerisms I could tell she hadn't seen anything sexual happening between her husband and I in the near future. This made me sad.

"Let's go." Jasper said, turning his attention to me. "I bet you're twice as thirsty now." He ran off without giving me a chance to respond assuming I'd follow. An interesting thing happened when he moved so quick and suddenly.

Something within me said '_chase'. _And all of a sudden I was hunting Jasper. I didn't want to kill him though; I wanted to have my way with him. Catch him, hold him down, and force myself on him. Screw Alice.

I was faster than him, and it felt so good to just do what my body told me to do. But right as I was going to lunge for him, we came to a clearing.

Now my body was conflicted. It wanted Jasper, but it equally wanted the hot blood rushing through the deer, beavers, and bears tied to some trees nearby. I slowed down not being able to decide. Then something outside of me pushed my lust to the animals, and I started into a frenzy. Something within me said _'kill', _and my mind slipped away from my body.

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><p>Edward Pov<p>

Anxiety . Guilt . Tension. They were not strong enough words to adequately describe my emotional state. Time ticked by irritatingly slow- the slowest I've ever experienced.

I had to face her.

There was no other way for my guilt to be relieved. She would probably attack me and I would welcome the punishment. I took everything from her in the most horrendous way imaginable.

I started to fidget. Something I thought vampires never did.

Alice returned from her clothes errand with irritated thoughts. She wanted to stay with Bella…

I took in a sharp breath and stopped reading Alice's thoughts. She had seen Bella naked.

I was taken aback for a moment. Every time I had pictured her in my head I saw her as weak and helpless. In this image she seemed confident, almost regal. Her natural vampiric beauty was glorious to uphold.

I stood up. I could not wait for Jasper's introduction. I must go to her and beg forgiveness. There was absolutely no way I could stall my apology any longer.

"Edward?" Alice peered into the living room.

I looked into her eyes with agony. "I have to go to her. I can't wait for her to come to me."

She had a sympathetic smile on. "Hmm..." She pondered. "Your future seems fuzzy…"

She suddenly gasped and I saw Bella attacking me in her mind.

"No!" I shouted. "I don't care what she does to me, so don't try to stop me!"

I stopped reading Alice and gave her a look of defiance. Her vision stopped and she tilted her head. She tried to hide a small smirk and said "I guess if you don't care… I hope you enjoy yourself!" She flew up the stairs and shut herself in her room.

Confused by this, I tried to read her thoughts again. Suddenly, rap music with lots of cursing started blaring from her room and I couldn't read a single thought.

"Ugh…" I flinched and headed out the doorway.

"Alice you turn that music down this instant!" I heard Esme howl as I jogged toward the trees. I wondered what Alice could have seen for her to have that reaction. At least I could rule out ripped to shreds…

I made my way to the two vampires in the forest. It didn't take long to locate the smell that started all of this in the first place, so I followed it to a clearing with a few tall trees in the middle.

I stopped short at the sight laid out before me. Massacre was too polite of a word to describe it. There were parts of animals strewn about haphazardly, some even hanging from the trees. Bella was next to a tree on the other side of the clearing mercilessly killing a full grown grizzly bear, and Jasper was safely in one of the middle trees supervising. He had captured all these animals at some point waiting for this day to come.

When Jasper noticed my presence he stared at me in horror. _'What the hell are you doing here! In this state of heightened instincts I don't even think I'm powerful enough to stop her if she turns on you!' _

I just shook my head. It had to be this way. If Bella chose to tear me apart I would welcome it gladly. She quickly finished with her prey and turned back toward the center of the clearing looking completely unsatisfied but a bit less wild. I made a motion to get her attention but Jasper quickly diverted her.

"Well that's all there is." He laughed, moving to her other side in a blur. "I can't imagine you wanting any more of this stuff." He kicked the bear carcass lightly.

"It goes against every base feeling…" she trailed off. "Why is killing humans bad again?" I hoped she was joking.

Jasper grabbed her shoulder lightly. "Your father is human" he said with a knowing look. Bella visibly calmed at Jasper's touch. "You don't want to kill him…?" Bella turned away from him looking concerned and a little confused. Coincidentally, this allowed her to notice me on the other side of the clearing. Her face quickly morphed into fury and I was suddenly scared.

"You! WHAT THE HELL!" She hadn't moved because Jasper still had a hold of her, but I could tell he was having a hard time of it. I quickly sank to my knees and hung my head.

"I could not wait to tell you how sorry I am" I said. I laced my voice with every despairing feeling that had built up in the last three days and continued. "What I did was unforgivable—" I was cut off by a sharp blow to my chest as Bella had charged straight at me at her full speed.

"Stop it! STOP IT!" she screeched, barely forming the words. I was knocked back about fifty feet and made no move to get out of her way.

"Whatever you do I deserve…" I breathed.

"Got that right!" Came another slurred curse, and all of a sudden she was on top of me._ SLAM! _Her fist connected with my face. I felt something crack and there was pain in my cheek.

"Bella! You don't want to do this!" Jasper exclaimed trying to use his powers to calm her. It didn't work though. Bella grabbed one of my legs and threw me straight into one of the trees exploding it into a million splinters. The trunk fell with an earthshaking crash.

"Don't tell me what I want to do!" she cried, and she was on top of me again. She bit down on my shoulder and tore off a piece off a chunk of my stone-like flesh. A loud sound like metal tearing accompanied my screams of pain.

"Bella! NO!" Jasper tried throwing Bella off me, but only succeeded in distracting her a little while pushing guilt for hurting me in her mind.

"He's a monster!" Bella screamed glaring at Jasper.

"Bella…" Jasper tried making her feel avenged and triumphant. "You've already made him pay and he won't hurt you again." He tried reaching for her.

Bella shook her head and swatted furiously at Jaspers hand. The blunt force of the blow took off a few of his fingers and he stumbled back.

"FUCK!" Jasper cursed and suddenly Bella was even more aggressive, this time clawing into my face with her nails.

"I HATE YOU!" she screeched.

I wailed in pain knowing it was only a matter of time before she bit into my neck and ripped off my head. She didn't seem to want to end me though. Not yet.

I was thrown again, this time about thirty feet in the air, landing hard on a slab of stone outside the clearing. I slowly tried to right myself and stumbled back onto my knees.

"I deserve to die…" I said pitifully.

"Yes, you do." Bella said icily and kicked me hard in the chest pinning me to the rocks with her foot.

Jasper moved into view. His thoughts were helpless and resigned hoping family was around the corner after hearing all the crashing around. He couldn't think of any emotion that would stop Bella's rage.

I winced in anticipation of another blow, but it didn't come. In fact, something else happened that I wouldn't have ever expected. Jasper had tried something else.

Bella kissed me. She shoved her face into mine, grinding her nearly naked body against me. I was pressed into the stone and made no motion to stop her (doubting I could if I tried) as I tried to understand what was happening.

Oh my… There was little time in between what happened next. My clothes were gone in an instant, and Bella was cracking the stone as she moved up and down. I had never in my life felt anything like this. All of my regret started ebbing away and the lust in the air was palpable.

"Fuck you..." she said and hit me a few times in the face as if I needed to be subdued.

I heard the minds of my family rocketing toward me and all too quickly Bella was wrenched away.

"Hey! What? Who-?" Bella kicked and flailed as she was being held to the ground by four vampires.

Jasper switched to confused, curious, and embarrassed. Bella's resistance ebbed away as she stared up at the newcomers.

Alice emerged from behind a tree and now all of us were present.

"Bella, this isn't the way I wanted you to meet, but this is my family." Jasper wasted no time trying to sate her with information and looked at Carlisle hoping he would introduce himself.

"Hello Isabella" he started kindly and stood up with a gesture as if to help her up. "I am Carlisle, and this is my wife, Esme." Emmett and Rosalie let go of Bella's legs and Bella stood up.

"Huh?" Bella began shaking her head confused. A surge of euphoria circled around the group as Jasper realized that Bella's instincts were receding, letting her mind take back some control.

"I'm Emmett," Emmett said with a Jasper induced grin.

"Rosalie" said Rosalie not looking happy at all. "This idiot is my husband" she added nodding to Emmett. I guess Jasper could only do so much.

I took a moment to look down at myself while Bella was surprised by all the newcomers. Torn skin everywhere, but that would heal. The chunk out of my left shoulder would have to be found and reattached, but it would never be the same. I couldn't really move my legs, but they were healing quickly.

I suddenly felt vulnerable, and I realized Jasper was trying to get Bella away from me. "We can go back to the cottage and talk if you'd like… you could get some more clothes…" he trailed off smirking.

"No… stay away from me…" Bella looked around anxiously and Jasper recoiled. Apparently the vulnerability was too much. Bella darted away with a look of fear.

"Wait!" Jasper called, and chased her, disappearing out of my mind.

Carlisle came over to me and pressed me back into a lying position. "What you did was foolish, but we won't talk about it right now." He checked all of my limbs and examined the tear in my shoulder. "We need to get you back to the house, but I don't want to move you right now. Give it fifteen more minutes." Alice tossed him something which Carlisle caught and pressed firmly into my shoulder.

As I felt the piece of me reconnecting I looked over at Alice. An argument with Jasper was already forming in her head. She wanted to compare his actions today to her actions the day she saved Bella.

She caught me looking as Esme came to comfort me. Alice smirked and thought '_you did say you didn't care what she did to you.'_

I put my head back and closed my eyes. '_Manipulative pixie' _I thought. Of course she found a way to use my suffering to scheme against Jasper. It wasn't just that either. As Alice skipped off in the direction Bella and Jasper had headed, I realized she wanted Bella and I together from the beginning. That matched everyone up and left no lose ends.

"Well Eddie," Emmett came up to me smirking.

Oh no don't say it.

"You had to lose it someday." I banged my head on the rocks and everyone glared at Emmett.

"What?" He asked innocently. "Too soon?"

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><p>AN For those of you thinking "where the hell is the Jasper/Bella?" It will come. For now, I must sate you with the promise of the Jasper/Alice situation not getting any better at all after all this. Thoughts are welcome!


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